An Interpersonal Conflict Situation

Staying in hall is indeed a place of self-discovering experiences and has made me a more mature and responsible person. It is a place where one learns much about himself, one chooses or decides actions that he should take.

I would like to narrate an unpleasant incident I had with a friend in hall that left a deep impression on me. Last year, I headed the External Relations Committee (ERC) in Eusoff Hall. As I was afraid there would be a lack of applicants, I asked some friends living on the same level as me to join this committee, and I promised them verbally that they would likely be accepted into the committee.

Due to the overwhelming response in applicants, the 2 other vice-heads and I had to choose 15 members out of the 50 applicants. The heads voted in private, in a manner similar to American Idol. As long as 2 heads vote 'no', the member is out. After the first round of screening, we had 25 members on our list. Therefore, I decided to talk to the JCRC president to increase the enrolment, of which he agreed to increase to 20. The other heads and I would now have to take away 5 members from the 25. Out of the 25, the other heads decided to vote one of my friends out of the list, even after much persuasion from me not to do so. When the selection results were released, my above mentioned friend was very 'pissed off' and refused to talk to me- and I did not realise it until Derek actually informed me about how my friend felt then. Eventually, after apologizing and explaining the underlying reason for not including him in ERC, we finally reconciled.

Through the ES2007S seminar, I learnt that we can use the six second's strategies to improve our EQ. In retrospect, although I scored 80% for the EQ test, I reckon that this result is inaccurate as I lack the fundamental skills to make up for good EQ. I lack honesty and accountability skills. Perhaps it was my bad that I did not talk to my friend about the selection results before releasing them. And I should know my own power and capability and not agree to something I cannot fulfil. He probably felt left out as he might have wondered why was he the only one that had not been selected.

Although it was bad on my part that I could not deliver my promise, do you think that my friend's inability to accept the situation displays a lack of EQ on his part, or does the lack of EQ come from myself?

Science of Effective Communication

Developing effective communication skills is important to graduates as it equips them with necessary skills of being a good leader. The communication process often starts with formulating the message in a common language while taking into account the relationship with the opposite party. Following that, we will then decide the channel to communicate with the opposite party. There are many channels of communications, such as: face-to-face, email, fax, hard copy, telephone and even SMS and MSN which is commonly used by youngsters nowadays to communicate. If something is done wrongly in the process, unpleasant feelings may develop between both parties. Therefore, I see the very need as a technical engineer to pick up such skills to avoid unwanted conflicts- whether as a student, friend, subordinate (and hopefully a superior in the near future).

Many people I know face barriers to active listening. These can be: physiological, environmental, emotional, mental or socio-cultural barriers. In this post, I'd like to touch on mental and socio-cultural barriers.

I have been staying in the school hostel for the past three years, and in my stay, I have seen many mental and socio-cultural barriers between people that actually make some people shun away from others. We all know that hostel residents comprise of both local and foreign students. Some of the local students tend to have a 'one-up attitude' to these foreign students, and tend to judge them poorly just because of their nationality. I have personally interacted with these foreign students and they make the effort to say hi to me when they see me around. This is a rather big contrast against some of the locals living on the same floor. I am glad that I do not have such a mental barrier to overcome, so that I will have less problems interacting with my fellow foreign colleagues in my future workplace.

The next thing I would like to discuss is the value differences that exist among people in hall. It is a fact that different people have different values due to their upbringing, culture, as well as religion. People of the same background and who have similar beliefs tend to clique together because of the comfort of familiarity. Communication is important as it helps people with differences understand each other better. As it is impossible to read another's mind, it is hence important to communicate and voice out opinions, as well as respect each other's differences.

It would not be an exaggeration for me to say that communication is vital to the survival of mankind. It helps us to bring forward our feelings and messages to others. If not done properly, it will lead to MIScommunication. The Youtube video you see below is an example of BAD communication, and how it can occur in ordinary circumstances. (Background information: The Hong Kong man was talking loudly on the phone and a younger passenger tapped him on the shoulder to ask him to lower his volume, and a conflict ensued.)